Lately I've felt so sad about pretty much everything. I feel like I have to force every smile I put on my face, and I hate it.But, I started taking my pills again so hopefully that will make me feel better in a few weeks. And I get to go to Wisconsin this weekend so maybe that will help me relax a little.
One of the reasons I've been sad lately is because I feel like I've been annoying the shit out of Adam. I just feel bad because I feel so needy all the time. Lately I just really want him to kiss me and hold me. And I know its bothering him with how affectionate I'm being. But, I can't help it... He's always been that one person that I KNOW loves me and cares about me, so I just constantly want him to show it because honestly no one else does... I have to basically pry an I love you out of my dad. My mom hasn't told me in years. My sister is not affectionate at all so she never says it. Tom, Matt and David left. Joey's in school. And I don't even talk to Reese anymore. So basically the only person left to make me feel loved is him. And I guess I just have to get over being so clingy and needy all the time and give him his space.
But one thing that makes me even more sad about the situation is I feel like Adam is starting to lose feelings for me. I don't know if I'm just insane or what... But before when he kissed me I could just tell and feel how much he loved me. And the way he looked at me would send shivers down my spine. He always looked at me like I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. And every time I looked at my phone I would have the sweetest message from him that just made my heart melt. And also for a while, we would lay down in my bed to go to sleep and we would end up staying up until 6am talking about how much we loved each other.. hearing him tell me how much he loved me meant more to me then I could ever explain... It just makes me sad because lately I just don't feel the love in his kiss anymore and I don't feel beautiful anymore.... I know that he loves me with his whole heart. But, I just miss feeling and knowing how loved I am.
I'm going to try and lay low for the next few weeks though and give him his space. I'm scared he's going to get sick of me /:
I just hate feeling like this.. ):
