In 123 hours I will be with my babies Reese and Zane <3 I really can't wait. I'm so insanely impatient. I just want to be there with them so bad. I'm really scared though... Because I know once I'm there the week is just going to fly by and then I'll be in tears when I have to leave. I really won't want to leave at all. But I really need to see them. I need a break from the drama here, Adam just makes me feel so unwanted and unloved so it will be nice to be somewhere where I'm really wanted. I just can't wait to give them hugs and kisses and cuddle with them all day <3 Oh, I bought my ticket today by the way. $130. Its worth it though.
I really like Zane.. a lot. So it really sucks that we have to live so far away from eachother. But, I want to be with him because he makes me very very happy. He's so sweet. And still loves me regardless of all my flaws. He likes me for me and that's what I want. I guess we'll just have to see what happens over the week. Hopefully good things (:
I wish that Adam still cared about me. But, I guess I get the hint... He hasn't even tried to talk to me. Not even when he told Joey he was going to. I guess I must not mean much to him if he can't even text me. So I'll just keep going on with life I guess. It just kinda hurts that I'm not even worth a text. You think he'd atleast try. But he seems just fine without me. Maybe even happier and if he is happier then I guess I'm glad. I don't want to hold him back from being happy. So I hope he's doing good. Because even if we stopped being friends for good and never talked again.. I would still hope the very best for him and I'll still love him. And I'll always be greatful for everything he has helped me through,
Oh my lord.. I am freezing /: Time to curl up and watch a movie.
Goodnight.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Venting #18- Waiting
Okay so I am so so so so excited I just had to blog about this before I fell asleep! I probably won't even be able to fall asleep!
So, today I talked to my dad and asked him If I could go see Reese on Saturday for a week and he said yes and so did Reese's parents!!! :D So this week I need to get all caught up in school, clean the house spotless, clean my room, do all my laundry... which is a lot, and then pack! (: So I leave late Saturday night and I get there at like 5am on Sunday and Zane is going to come pick me up along with Reese and Tucker! And I just know I'll get the BIGGEST hug ever from Reese, she'll probably tackle hug me to the ground xD And Zane said he was going to give me a biiig kiss and carry me out to his car hehehe, I'm excited! :D I've been waiting for almost 6 months to kiss him (: And then we're going to go out for a double date breakfast. I can't wait to see them, they make me feel so loved and wanted <3
And we're going to take lots of pictures and do lots of cuddling and have so much fun! I love them sooooo so much <33
Okay, well... I'm going to attempt to sleep now. Goodnight (:
So, today I talked to my dad and asked him If I could go see Reese on Saturday for a week and he said yes and so did Reese's parents!!! :D So this week I need to get all caught up in school, clean the house spotless, clean my room, do all my laundry... which is a lot, and then pack! (: So I leave late Saturday night and I get there at like 5am on Sunday and Zane is going to come pick me up along with Reese and Tucker! And I just know I'll get the BIGGEST hug ever from Reese, she'll probably tackle hug me to the ground xD And Zane said he was going to give me a biiig kiss and carry me out to his car hehehe, I'm excited! :D I've been waiting for almost 6 months to kiss him (: And then we're going to go out for a double date breakfast. I can't wait to see them, they make me feel so loved and wanted <3
And we're going to take lots of pictures and do lots of cuddling and have so much fun! I love them sooooo so much <33
Okay, well... I'm going to attempt to sleep now. Goodnight (:
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Venting #17- Shitty Day
Well basically I had a pretty shitty day today.. Well besides when Joey was here.
But, I just felt really sick all day and I'm fucking so tired of being sick. And then I did the dishes and whatever until Joey came over at 5 and then we hung out and had a fun time like we always do. And it was his birthday yay Joeys 17 now! xD But then after he left I tried to remove the wallpaper in the bathroom and i threw a bitch fit cause it wouldnt fucking come off. And then Zane told me he couldn't come down for my birthday. Great....
I'm in a really sad mood now.
I really like Zane a lot. But I really don't fucking know what to do anymore because me and him already tried this dating song and dance and it didn't work. But most of it was my fault because I hate getting close to people because I feel like everyone just fucks me over in the end but I have to stop thinking that way about everyone. So. I've really been trying hard to not get so angry and jealous. And I've been working on telling people how I actually feel and not always saying "its nothing" or "dont worry about it" nothing gets solved that way. And I've really really been trying to trust more... even though no one yet has given me a good reason to trust people but I'm trying to forget about all of that bull shit and just start new..... But I' just really confused on what to do at this point.
And Adam.... I really have absolutely NO fucking clue what to even think with him. At this points it really seems like he honestly doesn't give 2 shits about me. He hasn't even attempted to try and talk to me. If he really cared he would have. I just don't understand at all. But I'll tell you what.. I'm done being the first one to say "I'm sorry" cause I always have been. I think its his turn this time. If he still cares and still wants me in his life he can be the first to say sorry or talk about it. I feel like I'm always the one to save our friendship but I'm not going to this time.. he can. But so far I haven't heard shit from him. So that really makes me think that he doesn't care. Whatever I guess I'm just not worth it.
I wish I could see Zane right now //:
Goodnight.
But, I just felt really sick all day and I'm fucking so tired of being sick. And then I did the dishes and whatever until Joey came over at 5 and then we hung out and had a fun time like we always do. And it was his birthday yay Joeys 17 now! xD But then after he left I tried to remove the wallpaper in the bathroom and i threw a bitch fit cause it wouldnt fucking come off. And then Zane told me he couldn't come down for my birthday. Great....
I'm in a really sad mood now.
I really like Zane a lot. But I really don't fucking know what to do anymore because me and him already tried this dating song and dance and it didn't work. But most of it was my fault because I hate getting close to people because I feel like everyone just fucks me over in the end but I have to stop thinking that way about everyone. So. I've really been trying hard to not get so angry and jealous. And I've been working on telling people how I actually feel and not always saying "its nothing" or "dont worry about it" nothing gets solved that way. And I've really really been trying to trust more... even though no one yet has given me a good reason to trust people but I'm trying to forget about all of that bull shit and just start new..... But I' just really confused on what to do at this point.
And Adam.... I really have absolutely NO fucking clue what to even think with him. At this points it really seems like he honestly doesn't give 2 shits about me. He hasn't even attempted to try and talk to me. If he really cared he would have. I just don't understand at all. But I'll tell you what.. I'm done being the first one to say "I'm sorry" cause I always have been. I think its his turn this time. If he still cares and still wants me in his life he can be the first to say sorry or talk about it. I feel like I'm always the one to save our friendship but I'm not going to this time.. he can. But so far I haven't heard shit from him. So that really makes me think that he doesn't care. Whatever I guess I'm just not worth it.
I wish I could see Zane right now //:
Goodnight.
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