Venting #17- Shitty Day

Well basically I had a pretty shitty day today.. Well besides when Joey was here.

But, I just felt really sick all day and I'm fucking so tired of being sick. And then I did the dishes and whatever until Joey came over at 5 and then we hung out and had a fun time like we always do. And it was his birthday yay Joeys 17 now! xD But then after he left I tried to remove the wallpaper in the bathroom and i threw a bitch fit cause it wouldnt fucking come off. And then Zane told me he couldn't come down for my birthday. Great....

I'm in a really sad mood now.

I really like Zane a lot. But I really don't fucking know what to do anymore because me and him already tried this dating song and dance and it didn't work. But most of it was my fault because I hate getting close to people because I feel like everyone just fucks me over in the end but I have to stop thinking that way about everyone. So. I've really been trying hard to not get so angry and jealous. And I've been working on telling people how I actually feel and not always saying "its nothing" or "dont worry about it" nothing gets solved that way. And I've really really been trying to trust more... even though no one yet has given me a good reason to trust people but I'm trying to forget about all of that bull shit and just start new..... But I' just really confused on what to do at this point.

And Adam.... I really have absolutely NO fucking clue what to even think with him. At this points it really seems like he honestly doesn't give 2 shits about me. He hasn't even attempted to try and talk to me. If he really cared he would have. I just don't understand at all. But I'll tell you what.. I'm done being the first one to say "I'm sorry" cause I always have been. I think its his turn this time. If he still cares and still wants me in his life he can be the first to say sorry or talk about it. I feel like I'm always the one to save our friendship but I'm not going to this time.. he can. But so far I haven't heard shit from him. So that really makes me think that he doesn't care. Whatever I guess I'm just not worth it.


I wish I could see Zane right now //:

Goodnight.