The Truth.

Since when are emotions things that you can just play with, like a new toy?

I'm sick of all this fighting. And I'm sick of all this drama.
I either just want to fix things or just end them once and for all. Because I really can't take much more of this back and forth stuff. I would much rather fix things, but lately it seems like no one cares enough to. So if thats the case and no one gives a shit then I'm just going to be done. Because I'm not going to make myself depressed all over again for people who really don't give a fuck.

Adam-

I'm sorry that you feel like I'd rather hang out with and talk to Joey instead of you and I'm sorry that you feel like you have to "one up Joey" and try so hard to get my attention. Me and him just got close after you left and wouldn't talk to me. I mean what did you want me to do? Sit around for those 3 months and just wait and cry? I literally would have gone insane. I don't know what to do Adam. I feel like I can't win here. I want to be best friends again and I want to hang out more and talk more and be like it used to be. But it seems like you really honestly could give a shit less if we are even friends. I mean if thats the case then please let me know.. Because I can just stop trying and I can leave you alone if thats really what you want. I'm just sick of always feeling like a burden to you, and I hate feeling like I don't matter. Do you have any idea how much that hurts me? Do you have any idea how much I cry because all I want is for us to be close again. I just want to matter to you as much as I used to. I get really really jealous when you find all these new people to talk to because I feel like I'm being replaced. And I get really jealous when you go up to Reese's because I feel left out, I feel like she's better then me.. I feel like you love and care about her a lot more then you do me... And it hurts my feelings so much...


Reese-

I'm hate arguing with you. I'm tired of it.
You like Thomas.. okay fine you like him, I understand. I'm done telling you to take a break from guys because I just want you to be happy. And if he's really what makes you happy then I accept, I approve. Not that you  needed my approval but I just thought I'd let you know that I approve and I'm done fighting against it. And I'm going to be honest I guess I'm just jealous of Thomas/Gilbe because all of a sudden your full attention is on him and then he goes to see you and now he's trying to come up every other weekend and he wants to move there. It's like, all of a sudden instead of you wanting me to come up, you want him and Adam to come up. And you tell me you miss me yet you never say hey, come see me. Its more like, Oh I miss you so much and I wish you were here, then 5 seconds later your talking about how your excited to see Adam and Gilbe cause they are coming to see you. Its basically like a huge slap in the face to me. It just makes me feel really unwanted by you. Like I'm being replaced...


I doubt you guys will ever read this but if you do there is the truth. Bottom line, I'm hurt and I want to stop all this arguing.

Hurt

I've been up for about and hour and a half. Its eight fifty-three a.m. and already my day is bad and I want to cry.

I couldn't fall asleep until 5 in the morning... I woke up at 7:30 cause my dad asked me to bring George in from outside in a few minutes. Well after about ten minutes it was way to quiet outside so I went to check on him and he's gone. So I have to go get dressed and go find him. Well, my sister had taken some of the wheels off of my rollerblades so they were loose and not screwed on all the way. So I had to put them on and try to rollerblade with loose wheels. Well I found him down the path with a lady and two other dogs... George wouldn't fucking listen to me so I had to rollerblade home and get my dad to drive his truck to the ladys house to get my dog. That took like 20 minutes to get him in the truck. But I finally got him into the house. I'm tired as fuck.

And now I managed to piss of Adam and he won't text me back. I just fail... /:
Ever since our huge fight I feel like I just can't hang on to him anymore. Nothing feels the same about our friendship. He keeps saying how he wants me to believe it when he says he loves me and not question it. I want to just believe it, I really really do. But, how can I... He basically left me for 3 months. I understand why he did it.. But still... It fucking hurt so bad. It hurts when your best friend just leaves without an explanation. 3 months without a call or a text. Its like he just vanished. I cried all the time because I missed him so much. But, nothing I said or did made him want to talk to me again.
He promised me he would never leave because he knows how hurt I get when people leave me. He had seen me cry over Casey, my brother, my mom, my old friends, and he saw how much that hurt me. But he still did... and I think that's what hurt the worst... that he had seen what could break me and promised not to ever do it, but still did.

I just want things to go back to how they were between us. But, I just feel like its so hard to get back to that point... I'm scared he'll leave me again. I feel like he's always annoyed of me and I hate it ):

I just want to cry right now. For the first time in my life I want to leave. I want to get out of Minnesota and just start somewhere new. Cause I'm starting to feel lost here. I don't know who to turn to sometimes. So lately I just try to keep my mouth shut. Because I realized the other day when I was crying that I didn't know who to call to talk to. I didn't want to bother anyone with my problems so I just kept them to myself.