Hurt

I've been up for about and hour and a half. Its eight fifty-three a.m. and already my day is bad and I want to cry.

I couldn't fall asleep until 5 in the morning... I woke up at 7:30 cause my dad asked me to bring George in from outside in a few minutes. Well after about ten minutes it was way to quiet outside so I went to check on him and he's gone. So I have to go get dressed and go find him. Well, my sister had taken some of the wheels off of my rollerblades so they were loose and not screwed on all the way. So I had to put them on and try to rollerblade with loose wheels. Well I found him down the path with a lady and two other dogs... George wouldn't fucking listen to me so I had to rollerblade home and get my dad to drive his truck to the ladys house to get my dog. That took like 20 minutes to get him in the truck. But I finally got him into the house. I'm tired as fuck.

And now I managed to piss of Adam and he won't text me back. I just fail... /:
Ever since our huge fight I feel like I just can't hang on to him anymore. Nothing feels the same about our friendship. He keeps saying how he wants me to believe it when he says he loves me and not question it. I want to just believe it, I really really do. But, how can I... He basically left me for 3 months. I understand why he did it.. But still... It fucking hurt so bad. It hurts when your best friend just leaves without an explanation. 3 months without a call or a text. Its like he just vanished. I cried all the time because I missed him so much. But, nothing I said or did made him want to talk to me again.
He promised me he would never leave because he knows how hurt I get when people leave me. He had seen me cry over Casey, my brother, my mom, my old friends, and he saw how much that hurt me. But he still did... and I think that's what hurt the worst... that he had seen what could break me and promised not to ever do it, but still did.

I just want things to go back to how they were between us. But, I just feel like its so hard to get back to that point... I'm scared he'll leave me again. I feel like he's always annoyed of me and I hate it ):

I just want to cry right now. For the first time in my life I want to leave. I want to get out of Minnesota and just start somewhere new. Cause I'm starting to feel lost here. I don't know who to turn to sometimes. So lately I just try to keep my mouth shut. Because I realized the other day when I was crying that I didn't know who to call to talk to. I didn't want to bother anyone with my problems so I just kept them to myself.